Last nite ah went to Royal Restaurant, an' yuh know wat happen?
How yuh expect mih to know if yuh doan tell mih.
Jojo: If ah tell yuh, promise mih yuh wooden get vex.
Sam: Now, how you expect mih to promise someting ah doan know
Yuh making mih vex arready.
Jojo: Now doan fine mih farse, odderwise ah go close mih mouth
like a rat-trap.
Sam: So wat yuh keeping mih in all dis suspense for? Yuh is Alfred
Hichcock,now? Yuh have mih on high tension like dem T&TEC
Jojo: Well,las' nite ah see Merle in de restaurant...
Sam: So wat?
Jojo: ....Wid a man...
Could be she farder,brudder or she uncle.
Jojo: Ah know all ah dem an' it wasn't none ah dem.....Besides
de way she was behavin'.....it coudden ah be none ah dem.
Sam: Yuh know, ah tink yuh lookin' at too much James Bon' video.Since
Mario open dat Video store dong the road so close, yuh turning
wuss dan Randolph Burroughs. Wusserer... yuh getting to be a real
mako. Now yuh insinuatin' mih woman wid annoder man? Yuh
better come good before ah bussup yuh mout,here.
Jojo: Okay, Okay! Open up yuh ears good an' lissen to wat ah have
to say and den yuh could draw yuh own conclusion. YUh know wen
yuh enter Royal Restaurant, on de lef' han' side, it have ah kinda
dark spot, so dat wen people now come in from de lite, dey cant
see who sittin'
dey......Is de same place we siddong de las' time.
Jojo: Well ah was sittin' dong dey an she ent see me, wen she
traips in......well crook-up wid de fella. An' de way she was
carryin' on like she had in a few arready. She had on one ah dem
tite pumpum shorts, red wid wite polka dots and one ah dem short
kinda shirt dey does tie up over dey nable, so all she belly expose.Ah
didn't even know she had a birthmark....on de rite hand side under
she nable. She was lookin' kinda coskelle......an'
ackin' like ah real jagabat. Doan fine mih farse, but yuh is mih
fren an' if ah doan tell yuh, who go tell yuh?
Sam: Well ah lissenin'....,so wat happen after?
JoJo: AS ah said before, she didn't see me,so she traips rite
in an' dey went to ah table not too far from me.Ah could
see dem plain as day! Yuh know de young lady plunks down sheself
on top of the youngman lap! As is dey had no more chairs in de
place. As man ah was feelin shame .....for you! Before yuh know
Sam: Wait! Yuh sure it was Merle?
Sam: My Merle?
Jojo:Yup! An' yuh know wat? You have better quality dan dat fella
she was wid. He look like one ah dem sagaboy type.Tall an'
lengay,wid a bosey back to boot......an' a piece ah beard ike
ah ramgoat. Look like he had dada head too but ah
couldn't make out too good in de dark.One ting ah notice dough,
he had on about fifty gol' ring an' 'bout seventy gol' chain rong
he neck. So he mus' be in drugs, or he mus' be does len' money
Sam: So wat yuh SEE? DAT IS WAT AH WANT TO HEAR!
Jojo: Well doan rush de brush....Yuh know, no sooner she siddong
on he lap dey start up feeling up one annoder like zaboca. De
waitress had to
even arkse excuse to take de drink order....she was so occupied
dat wen the waitress arkse she wat she drinking, she say"Anything".The
had to tell she dat dey run out of 'anything' but could offer
she ah rum an coke. Ah didn't hear wat de fella order because
ah was too occupied
wid de carryin' on. Yuh shouda see how dem two wrapup, like two
makajuel......not ah breeze coulda pass between dem. Sam, yuh
an' I is frens, and de only reason ah tellin' yuh dis is because
of we frenship.
Sam: Ah know,ah know. So den wat happen?
Jojo: By de time de waitress get back to de table wid de drinks
an' dem, tings was real hot! Even mih glasses started to fog up.
It was ah bitin' and ah squeezin' and ah feelin' and ah kissin'
goin' on. Listen to de waitress,"Ahem! Excuse me! Look here
ah know how it is and ah doh want to sound like ah interferring,
but dis is ah restaurant an'
not ah bedroom and ah tink allyuh young people should comport
allyuh self better in public. Young lady ah tink ah better get
more ICE for yuh
rum coke, to cool yuh off!".......Boy ! Is den Merle get hot!
I never know she to be so tin-skin.....she jump off de man lap
an' bawl out,"But wha' happen to you? Yuh never had young days?
Or yuh hormones dry up an' yuh forget? Yuh forgettin' we is gesses
in here, an' allyuh ad on TV does say, allyuh does treat people,
ROYALLY. Look, leave we in peace!".....
Sam: Merle say dat? It had odder people in de restaurant? Ah know
she have ah bad temper, but she never get on so wid me....but
yuh never know
wid dem dougla woman.....so wha' happen after?
Jojo: Yuh coulda see de watress was a little embarrassed because
she ent expect Merle to get on like a yard fowl like dat, so she
an' Merle went rite back and siddong on the young man lap.Dis
time he smilin an' is den ah notice he had about six gol' teet
in he mout'. Tree on top an' tree below......
Sam: Yuh say six gol' teet?
Jojo: Wha' happen yuh know him? Yuh recognise he gol' teet?
Sam: Nevah mine! Go on!
Jojo: Listen, ah doan know wat goin' tru yuh mind
but wat ever yuh do, doan call my name...because ah doan want
to get into no comesse.
Sam: Okay ! Ah jus' want yuh to finish de story.
Jojo: Ah kinda lose control about de sequence of wat
happen nex, because ah was concentratin' on he gol' teet and whey
he find all dat money to buy all dat gol'.......but de next ting
ah know, ah big Indian boobooloops bust tru de door, drag
off Merle off de man.....an' start to rip off Merle clothes. All
de time she bawlin and screamin,"Ah tell yuh leave mih man! Yuh
dutty guabine! Wen ah finish wid yuh tail today no man go want
yuh! Leave...... Mih........Man.....Alone!"(Wid every
word she hit Merle a cuff) Boy, dat Dos was mad! By dis time,
de little piece a shirt Merle was wearin', rip up, like kitetail!
An de fella? He siddong dey skinnin' he gol teet and bawlin,'
"Rookmin, Stop!" To make ah long story short, yuh know how ah
doan like to see advantage, so ah decide ah go jump in to stop
dis Mama Tayta from killin' Merle. Who tell me to do dat? Ah fly
orf mih chair, an' ah jump in de brew....boy, ah didn't
estimate de size of Rookmin... de woman W- I- D- E.....like ah
immortelle tree....as she was sittin' on
top ah Merle ches', ah had to approach she from behind. Ah coudden
even get mih hands rong half of she......so ah had was to
lock she neck, to
try to pull she orf ah Merle. Dis time mih back turn to de fella,
an ah didn't even notice wen he attack mih.....Ah hear,"BUDDUFF!'....
mih ears get HOT,HOT....mih ears start to ring an' ah feel as
if ah gettin' malkadee....Wid de force of de blow, ah fall back,
pushin' Rookmin to oneside offa Merle .....but as mih back touch
de groun' ah roll to mih lef' (ah did learn dat in karate class
since ah was
small....man, it does take a good lash in yuh tail for yuh to
remember all kinda ting).....
Sam: So wha happen to Merle? She.....
Jojo: Boy yuh is someting else yeh! Ah man ketchin he arse, fightin'
for he life, an' yuh worried 'bout woman! Besides is your honor
Sam: But me ent send yuh to fight...Me ent arkse yuh to defen'
Jojo: Ah now dat, but seein' how we is fren nah... ah tort
dat you coud have some feelins for me......
Sam: Feelins for man? Who yuh take me for? Ah battie boy? So wha
happen to Merle?
Jojo: Yuh readin' mih rong....besides, is Merle dat come out to
horn you! Yuh want to ear 'bout Merle? Ah go tell yuh! .....After
ah roll to mih lef', in a flash ah was on mih foot....ah spin
rong, dis time ah facin de fella, an' if yuh se mih.....carayin
like Bruce Lee.. ah make a fake to de rite an' as ah ketch he
movin de rong way, ah give
him one lef'foot.....strait to stones! 'Badap!'......He double
up like dem cheap copybook, squinge up he face like he eat sour
tambran an' he
start to bawl.......he start orf on a bass note......
As ah was sayin' he start orf in a bass note like Satchmo, an'
end up like Celine Dion. Tinkin' about it, he could make Queens
Sam: Forget Queens Hall.wha about Merle?
Jojo: Boy! Yuh obsess wid dat woman! Like yuh have ah bad case
ah tabanca.......dey does call dat tabanca tajari...
Sam: Forget me...What about Merle?
Jojo: Well ah realise ah could forget about the fella, because
'crapaud smoke he pipe'..... so ah turn rong to see de odder side
of mih back ...... Merle siddong on de groun', holdin' up wat
left of she shirt to keep she totots from fallin' out and at the
same time, tryin' to cover up she toonkooloonks, because she pumum
shorts, had a big rip in de crotch.......Meanwhille, Rookmin,
flat on she back bawlin,"Mih han' break allyuh! How ah go look
after mih chile, wid ah break han'... Roysie yuh see wat you an'
dis jajabat cause? " Dat is wen ah find out
de fella name....Roysie!You know him?...
Sam: Maybe...So wha happen after?
Jojo: All of a sudden ah hear"Look de Police!" and tree big, tick,
policeman appear....Dat is wen ah get friten, all ah tinkin' is,
Miss Ruby only boy chile endin up in jail, drinkin' cocoa tea
and eatin' dry hops bred....Dat is janjut! All because of a fren....Mih
mudder does always say, 'frens does carry yuh but dey doan bring
back'........ Anyway de police start to question we, one by one.
Merle say dat she did just meet she cousin, an' as dey didn't
see one anodder for a long time, he invite she for a drink, and
so on and so on an' out of de blue dis Indian woman come up an'
start beatin' she,and how she have a good mind to arkse
de Police to charge 'dat Titanic' for assault an' battery.........
Den de Police arkse Rookmin wat she had to say and she say how
is a long time she noticin' how 'dat pickyhead jagabat' lookin'
and thowin' bait for she man an' she decide to put a stop to it.
Besides she tell de Police, "if Dole Chadee have rites, ah doan
see why ah doan have de rite to proteck mih man from a jajabat
like dat. How I ent know if she have AIDS." ...... Is den Merle
get bad like a crab! She stop holding up she shirt an' coverin
de rip in de pumpum shorts, so yuh know wat happen.........All
she totots expose! Not to mention, de yuh know wat! People start
to larf. Somebody shoutout"Look is a Strip tease Show!" Merle
didn't care, dis time she beatin' she ches' and goffin' up to
Rookmin an shoutin' "Ah bet a break yuh odder han'! Yuh
big Fat BooBooloops!" Dis time de Police had to intervene and
dey tell Merle she better keep quiet before dey charge her for
disturbin de peace. De Police didn't bodder to question Roysie,
because he still coudden catch he breat'. So to cut a long story
short,dey say dat if was any body dey had to charge, was Rookmin.......Rookmin
start to bawl "Oh Gawd! yuh mean alyuh does put break-han' people
in jail? Have some Pity! Ah was only defendin' mih man!" De Police
had was to shut she up an' explain to she dat dey wasn't goin'
to lay any charge seeing dat she come out wusser dan everybody........
Sam: You mean all ah dat went on?It had plenty people dey lookin
on? Any body who know me? So how it end up?
It end up so,so thank yuh.De Police had was to take Roysie an'
Rookmin to de hospital and leave me an' Merle on we own. Merle
to borrow ah uniform from one ah de waitresses to go home, because
she didn't want everybody to see de 'wat yuh want to call it'
Merle know dat I know about she and de Mister Roysie, so she embarrass
to face me......so she arkse mih not to tell you nutten! So ah
if she would like her fren to do her dat?Ah tell she no way ....ah
was to tell yuh, besides if she play wid fire she had was to expect
gettin' burn. Wha she expeck?.......
Sam: Yuh damm rite! Yuh expeck ME to want SHE again........ after
gettin on so in publick.... besides it have more fish to fry.
Ah tellin yuh Jojo, ah goin' to fone she NOW an give she ah good
piece ah mih mind an' end it up once an' for all. No woman go
make style on me!.....Monkey mus' know wat tree to climb....
Jojo: But Sam,yuh know an' I know, dat yuh have plenty woman....yuh
cyar give she a chance?....
Sam: Wha yuh want me to do? Cut arf mih nose to spoil mih face?Man,
gimme ah break! Next ting yuh know, everybody callin' mih mamapool
Jojo: Yuh see why ah shouldn't ah tell yuh nutten now allyuh breakup...an'
I tort dat I was doin' ah fren a favor....Just remember keep mih
outta yuh commesse.
Sam: Yuh do mih a great favor oui,....Yuh make it easier for mih
to leave she. Ah was plannin' to leave she tail in any case an'
go wid Babsie..Look dis is too much talk,oui, ah going to fone
Sam goes to the telephone,dials a number, and soon after starts
and yelling at the person on the other end of the line,"Ah
done get de hole story.Yuh is a jagabat! After all ah do for yuh!
Only las' week ah take out yuh tings in de pawn shop.......Yuh
could cry all yuh want! Is no use cryin' crocodile tears........Doan
bring Jojo into dis, he is a real fren,.........Read my lips.....IT
IS OVER!....Wha yuh say?......He rite here! Ah go put him on"
Sam: Jojo, Merle want to talk to yuh... look ah not stickin' arong
ah goin to fry some fresh fish!
Sam passes the telephone to Jojo and leaves in haste.
JoJo: Yes, is me....Girl, is yuh know de man.....he swallow the
hook like a grouper.....He believe every single word ah tell him.....Ah
tink he gone by Babsie ..............Well sweetie, de road clean
for we.....is now we like two peas in a pod.......Okay doodoo.
Ah go meet yuh tonite in de usual spot .....Yuh doan have to sen'
kiss over de fone, save it for tonite!
De Moral of dis Story:
TIEF FROM TIEF DOES MAKE GOD LARF!