Trinidad Tabanca- The Bedbug

........ So goes the refrain of the Mighty Spoiler's hit calypso of the 50's. I have always wondered why Spoiler would have chosen to reincarnate as a bedbug. Could it be that he knew facts about the bedbug, that the average man on the street didn't? Biology was never one of my favourite subjects in college and I grew up in an era when bugs and insects, even the best of them, were considered pests, more so -Cimex Lectularius, more commonly referred to as a 'bedbug.' Some of the attributes of this seemingly inconspicuous insect would put the human species to shame and most certainly green with envy. Amongst all kinds of animal sexuality, the bedbug's is the most amazing!
FACT: The bedbug NEVER stops mating. Males can mate one or more females more than once a day. Males have been known to have intercourse over 200 times a day!
FACT: Bedbugs are equipped with a perforating penis with which a male will puncture a female's body wall and inject his sperm anywhere, into the head, abdomen, legs, back and even the heart. This does not affect the female's health nor does she suffer miscarriage. How?
FACT: A female bedbug may appear to be a virgin with her untouched vagina, though pregnant, as she would have received 'hits' on her back or wherever and the spermatozoa is carried in the blood stream. Most of the male's spermatozoa is destroyed by her immune system as infectious microbes but the fact that a few hundred of the spermatozoa survive, is evidence of the sheer quantity that is produced. The quantity is phenomenal! If males were the size of humans, they would send 30 litres of sperm at each ejaculation! Hidden everywhere in her body the sperm
will wait for Spring to converge on the ovary and fertilize it.
FACT: Female bedbugs have multiple vaginas. Through sheer force of being perforated by indelicate males, females are covered with scars, evidence of the number of how many males have mated with her. Bug daughters are born covered with stains on their backs which are true vaginas linked to the main organ.
FACT: Bedbugs are bi-sexual and engage in bestiality. Males do not recognise females from a distance and may mate with another male, a dead female or anything shaped like a bedbug! 50% of their encounters are homosexual, 20 % are with foreign animals and 30% are heterosexual.
FACT: What happens when a male 'perforates' another male? The sperm survives and searches for ovaries; as none are found they mix with the host's and is passed on on his next encounter with a female.
FACT: The male of the African specie,' Afrocimex Constrictus' is born with a secondary vagina on its back, whose only function is to encourage homosexual mates.
FACT: Some species of bedbugs including the tropical, 'Antochorides Scolopelliens' are equipped with special sexual atillery. The sperm is propelled out of the male's body at high speed by special muscles. When a male sees a female at a distance, he aims his penis at the vaginal targets located on her back and fires! The sperm pierces the female's body, which is thinner in these places and she becomes impregnated.
FACT: Bedbugs must eat to mate. Males that have starved longer than 2 weeks don't mate and females that have not eaten recently are not ready for mating.
FACT: Bedbugs have been in existence since Man started living in caves.

Now that you have all the facts, do you see why The Mighty Spoiler wanted to 'come back' a Bedbug?......

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